5 Tips for Writing with a Baby

You spend months preparing for your first baby.

You read books and blog posts and join mom groups on facebook, ignoring all the judgy outdated nonsense and convincing yourself that knowledge is power.

You attend classes. Well, the first time at least. You drag your partner along to watch birth videos projected onto a screen in a stark hospital conference room with too much A/C and horrible snacks. When you leave the class, your partner says, "wow birth is ... messy" -- as if this is novel information to him.

You have monthly, then biweekly, and then weekly visits with your midwife. You get ultrasounds. You hear baby's heartbeat. You see a baby-shaped blob move on the black-and-white screen (seriously? we haven't come up with anything better yet?) and you feel baby move constantly as your stomach grows bigger. These proof-of-life movements will, inevitably, occur when you are trying to sleep.

You and your partner begin to think about names. You shoot down all of your partner's name ideas and try again. You find a name and then you don't tell a soul because for God's sake you do not want anyone to ruin this one name option for you.

You set up the nursery. You get gifts from friends and family. You have an unquenchable urge to clean, purge, and assemble new things before baby comes. Apparently it's called nesting. But you also have no energy to actually do the cleaning, purging, and assembling so you delegate.

You panic about packing a hospital bag even though, when the time comes, you need almost nothing you packed. You give birth and, somehow, they let you take that tiny human home with you despite the fact that you really don't have any qualifications other than the fact that your body grew him from scratch.

You created life. You are a super hero. Fuck, you are a Goddess. You are so ready to have this baby outside of your body, in the real world!

But nothing prepares you for postpartum.

#Momlife

Pregnant with my second and third babies, I spent a lot less time preparing. I'd already read the books and taken the classes. I was parenting through Covid, so that was a whole new ball game of virtual appointments and isolation. I knew how much to pack (i.e. how little). And believe me, my other kids were taking up a lot of my mental and emotional capabilities.

I had my third baby last month and postpartum life still hits hard. The lack of control over so much of my daily life is always devastating, even when I know what to expect. Nursing on demand, sleep deprivation, physically recovering from the trauma of birth, and connecting with my older kids -- it's all so hard.

But once you come out of the haze of the first few weeks (or months -- it's not a race!), I find that most moms start to miss their hobbies, passions, and creative work. For me, the newborn days are challenging in many ways -- one of which is that I'm sort of ... bored? My brain craves intellectual stimulation. I need to think, to analyze, to create. At least a little bit.

Gaming and reading can pass the time, but they don't fulfill this need. And doomscrolling social media is certainly not helping.

So here are some tips for what I've done during this postpartum period to help myself find space for myself and my creative work.

NOTE: Everyone's postpartum experience is different. For some, life with a newborn will be absolute bliss (I'm looking at you, friend who has a baby who sleeps through the night). For others, it will be the most challenging thing they've ever done. So take the tips that work for you and leave the rest!

Tip #1. ⁠Put On Your Oxygen Mask First

We've all heard this phrase when traveling on an airplane. The idea is that you can't help others before you help yourself. This is true in postpartum life for sure.

When making space for my creative work during the postpartum period, I always check in to make sure my other needs are met. Should I be using my limited me-time to sleep? To eat food? To go pee? To move my body? To see a friend?

My biggest tip, therefore, is actually to NOT write if these other needs are not met. There is no quicker way to burn out than to be running on 2 hours of sleep at a time. If it helps, go through a check list before you set up to write. Taking care of yourself is going to lead to a better writing session when you do finally sit down to write.

Tip #2. Creative Positioning

This seems like some sort of innuendo but I do literally mean to get creative with how and where you write!

If you are not babywearing yet with your newborn, let me just stop you now. Go buy a carrier. Now. Seriously. Right now. Babywearing is magical -- not just because you get the most amazing snuggles and seriously good naps. Babywearing allows me to be mobile and hands-free, which means I can get creative with my writing. I can stand at the cafe counter and type on my laptop while doing the mom-sway to rock my baby to sleep. I can walk with my baby and dictate on my phone if I have an idea about my novel.

My personal favorites for the newborn stage are ring slings and the soft-structured carrier called a Scout from Sakura Bloom. But as long as it's hands free and comfortable for you and baby, it's a total win for writing!

Tip #3. Technological Wizardry

As many of you know, I am a huge fan of Scrivener. However, writing on my laptop is not always the easiest thing in the world when you have a newborn. Often, I get 'nap-trapped' on the couch with a sleeping baby or have to walk around with the baby to keep him asleep. Sure, sometimes I get naps in the bassinet (thanks Damian for currently sleeping in the SNOO as I write this), but that doesn't always align with when my mind is ready to write.

The solution: use a phone. Smart phones make it easy to write even when you aren't at your laptop. I have been drafting in Google Docs on my phone and transferring to Scrivener later to keep things organized and keep track of my progress. Drafting on my phone isn't always as fast or as smooth -- typing with your thumbs while trying not to jostle the baby is a bit of a skill -- but just getting words out is so important when drafting.

I have also begun to dictate at times when I don't want to type. This is my least favorite way of drafting since I have to go back and fix a lot of misheard words and edit the formatting for dialogue and grammar, but once again it's helping me get words on the page.

Tip #4. Low Pressure Accountability

I've talked in my newsletter about how helpful it's been to work with my talented and kind critique partners. There are three of us, and we submit 5000-7500 words every three weeks for feedback on our writing. There is nothing that makes me more productive than a deadline (high-functioning anxiety, anyone?).

Even though there was absolutely zero pressure from my critique partners to write during postpartum, being in a writing group with them helped me stay accountable. What that looked like was totally dependent on how I was feeling. Some weeks I wrote less than my usual submission, but still -- I wrote! And I loved having some fabulous manuscript drafts to read and critique while I was holding the baby (once again, using my phone!)

So find yourself some writer friends to support and motivate you! My two CPs are, without a doubt, the reason I've been able to keep up some creative spark during this time. As my baby grows older, I know I will start to get more time to myself, and I'm happy that I have been able to keep the flow for this new WIP.

Tip #5. Prioritization

This one is sort of obvious once you think about it, but my final tip is that you have to want to make writing your priority during this time. In the early days with a newborn, personal time is limited. If you aren't dealing with your children, you probably need to spend time on work, chores, basic needs, and self-care.

So that means, when the time does come for personal time, you have to choose to write.

For me, I know I could write more if I spent every second of my personal time writing. But I also enjoy reading, bullet journaling, and seeing the occasional friend. Ultimately, you are in control of how you spend this time, and you can decide how much of it you spend writing!

Final Thoughts:

Writing with a newborn is pretty tough. It's a commitment to find the time and a challenge to stay present and creative when you finally do have the time.

While the tips above have generally been working for me, they do not work for me all the time. Some days -- and even some weeks -- are too hard. I have other things that take priority that stop me from finding the time or the appropriate creative mind space to write.

That's okay!

Seriously, it's okay to take a break. I've said it so many times to many of my writer friends, but so much of writing is, actually, not writing. Sometimes I write. Sometimes I don't think about my novel at all. Sometimes I'm struck by an idea when I least expect it. Not writing can give you the space to do that so it's also perfectly okay to walk completely away from your writing when you need to.

If you are interested in seeing more of my writing journey or learning some insider details about my current work-in-progress (Project God Hunter), follow me over on Instagram @aspauldingauthor.